I thought I'd blog something within these few days, but I didn't manage to... Maybe it was more of I didn't feel like it, than to not manage to. I never liked to blog about the unhappy moments, I thought that this blog was meant to document the positive moments in my life. People like to see the bright side of someone, and reading emotional/nonsensical posts may not make sense to them. They may not have experienced the same situation as well, so they cannot empathize with them. However, after much contemplation, I decided to sneak in a little of ranting in this space...hoping that I'd actually feel better after letting out a bit.
I've been thinking too much these days.. Too much for my own good. Guess I've always been like that, that's why people tell me I should change. After all, I am the root of the problem, ain't I? Sometimes I just wish I could think twice before speaking. I tend to spurt out curt replies that cause unnecessary problems. I'll never learn, will I? No matter how many chances I've been given... I never listen, I never learn. And then the cycle repeats itself again, there I go..ranting about thoughts running in my mind. Letting my thoughts control me. These thoughts start from the core of my brain, spreads to the cells, to my entire body, my limbs, I feel them in my each of my veins...till they reach the tip of my fingers and toes. I succumb to the fear these thoughts bring me, I shrivel up like a newborn. Sometimes it does feel like I'm lost in a galaxy or something, because I suddenly feel minuscule in this vast space. I feel lost, I don't have directions, I don't know what to do next.. Then the loser in me starts thinking that maybe I'm meant to be lost in this big space after all, where I'll be alone and cause no harm to others. In this galaxy, I can't touch others. I can't communicate with them. Most importantly, I can't be a burden to them. What I can do though, is to see them in their everyday lives...somehow happy/carefree. I somehow want to reach my hands out to tap them on the shoulder, but then again the voice inside my head tells me not to. I guess this is how it feels like...to let your thoughts engulf you.
You'll be lost in a galaxy of space.
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